A Lesson in Listening...

Let me first start this post with a HAHAHA at my resolve to blog daily. Considering it's been over a year since my last blog post, I think it's safe to assume I'm a blog-fail. Now that that's out of the way, I wanted to address something I've seen happening SO MUCH in recent days. Also, I don't normally swear in my posts, but I did a few times here. Apologies in advance, let's just call it 'fitting for the theme' this time.

We lost. We're lost. We lost our way. We're stumbling in the dark.

However you want to put it.

I'm not just talking about the election, although, I gotta tell you - I can't wait until we're all complaining about something else. But what I really want to address is how we have strayed off the path of being human. Our lack of empathy and compassion for one another has flown the coop. That's okay, if you've always been an asshole (pardon my French) but I have watched [seemingly] nice, articulate people turn into vapid, uncaring, my-shit-doesn't-stink, out and out jerks. I'm talking to you, yes, YOU. If the shoe fits, of course. If I said something and it struck a nerve, take a sec and do a little self observation. If it didn't bother you personally, but you have seen the same prevailing attitude, I'm glad to call you friend. 

The other day I had a horrible experience. HORRIBLE. At least it was to me. And then I had someone basically tell me I was overreacting to a situation I should be grateful for. So here's what happened: I walked into the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) following dad's lung operation. As I walked down the halls, the cacophony of beeps and monitors going got louder and louder. There was no escaping it. I apparently stopped, froze and began crying. JUST LIKE BEFORE when the lady in the electric cart at Publix backed up and the beeping started, a week after Paisley had come home. They had to call Kevin, because I couldn't drive. So back to the SICU, I sat down in the chair and tried my hardest to do those breathing exercises they taught me, like I was meditating. And the next thing I knew, the nurses were asking if I was okay and waking me up. I don't know if I was so exhausted that I relaxed myself into sleep, or if I passed out. No joke.

Later in conversation, we were talking about how we call it PTSD of the NICU. This someone else felt it was overreaction, because... get this, our baby is healthy now and home and not dead and therefore we had no right to feel traumatized from our stints in the NICU. We should've got over it and moved on. I won't defend our feelings, but I will say, don't think for a second that we don't appreciate what we have or how blessed we are. But we went through the toughest times any family should go through... not once, but THREE times. We witnessed, with heartbreaking sadness, a family play with their daughter's toes one day, and walk out with NOTHING the next. Torn between joy that we were not in their situation, devastation for their loss, and guilt for being grateful. We drove on less than 2 hours of sleep back and forth for nearly a year if you add up each child's time in the NICU. We woke with that terrified feeling that having left the hospital for any length of time was a sign that we didn't love our child enough to stand bedside for 24 hours. PTSD is not reserved simply for members of the military, or survivors of a shooting. It's any time of stressful trauma that is inflicted on someone. And for anyone to diminish someone else's pain as if it were insignificant because they are alive to talk about it today... you sir, are ASS!

I'm so exhausted from hearing people with total intolerance to those around them. I don't expect the average stranger to care about my life. But people who are 'close' or friends or even family, if you've found your compassion meter is empty, please get it refilled... or go stare in the mirror and tear yourself down. People struggle with so much these days. Parents struggle to raise their children amidst chaos and criticism every day. Yet not one of those critics are volunteering to do it for them or even offer a hand. We turn a blind eye to those in need, cast aspersions at the clothes someone is wearing or what they look like. And yet, so many are 'too busy' to volunteer, or give back. We have a society filled with people who have hidden illnesses and then SUDDENLY we are doctors and assessors... and yes, judges. I say this all, and you may think, wow talk about the kettle. I know I am not blameless. But I'd like to think we are constantly, myself included, maybe myself ESPECIALLY...trying to be better.

Better people. Better friends. Better spouses. Better daughters. Better mothers. 

So this beautiful Sunday morning, I sit on the couch, with laundry on one side & papers to sign for school on the other. One leg up, because I broke my toe (AGAIN) and watching Sherlock together. And we are taking turns telling each other what we like about the other person. I'm filling up my compassion meter, and adding a tankful of patience while I listen to what is important. Reminding myself that having empathy for one situation does not equate to antipathy for another. Reminding myself that we are human and fallible. Reminding myself that a little compassion goes a long way.

KUBKID building blocks by Janod... the toys that grow!

With the celebration of Paisley's 1st birthday, she ended up with some pretty cool toys. I have to say that some of these toys are just absolutely amazing! Why didn't they have this when I was little?! I love the combination of educational and creative and fun all in one. A particular gift that really stood out for me were these Janod KubKid Building Blocks. Enough so, that I wanted to make sure I shared with all of you. Each block/cube has a different side and they make up 6 different illustrations. Janod is an educational toy manufacturer based out of France, however, you can order from most retailers such as Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Scholastic.

They blocks are hollow and designed with high color graphics of farm animals. It's fun to watch Paisley learn to stack and build with the blocks. They are rated 18months and up, which I imagine is meant for the puzzle aspect. Each side put together creates a vibrantly colored farm animal. Absolutely adorable. I've watched Paisley play with them until she falls asleep, as they are constantly entertaining to her! Whether you are giving these as a gift for a child, or for your own child, these are highly recommended! I think I may just pick up a set to drop off at the girls' daycare.

Janod fb page: Click here!    Janod twitter: Click here!

Life goes by in the BLINK of an eye!

Truer words have never been spoken! I'm not sure when it happened, or how even... it seems like we were on the countdown until Paisley could come home from the hospital. Then just days until Linda (MIL) came in from England, then the holidays, then the pre-op for each surgery... and we were saying.. oh, that's next week. And oh, that's in 2 weeks... and then suddenly - it's AUGUST! 

The preparations for a celebration of a life hard fought and won were looming in the back of my mind. I mean, how do you not go overboard? But how do you reign yourself in from being psycho-crazy-decorating-madness-mama? Thankfully, with the help of a realistic, yet supportive hubby - and some really great friends!

I wanted to show you some of the prep that went into this occasion, and then of course, some pics of the party and some pics of the birthday girl!

Making BUNTING. My friend KeKe and I decided we were going to hand paint ... that's right, HAND PAINT bunting for the party. I went a little nuts and said something like, "Hey let's make this look like a used car-lot!" And the next thing you know, I'm painting a scene from Super Mario Bros on a triangular piece of canvas at 2am. *shakes head* At one point in time, we roped the guys into painting with us, but our OCD nature took over and they were quickly fired.

Rolling LUMPIA. *This part of the post is directed at Katie, since I'm SO NEGLECTFUL and constantly forget to email her my recipe*

Recipe (this makes approximately 100 rolls):
Lumpia Wrappers (aka Spring Roll Wrappers)
1- head of cabbage
2c- carrots
1c- snap/snow peas or green beans
2.5 lbs.- boneless, skinless chicken breast cooked or ground beef uncooked

- Use a food processor, it's so much easier! Food process everything until it is minced. Mix with 2 egg yolks (separate the whites for later). Add seasoning. *As with all my recipes for lumpia, pancit, etc... if you don't eat a particular thing, don't add it. Ex: you don't eat cabbage, you can sub bean sprouts. Or sub ground pork for ground beef. Season with seasonings you prefer. Some people prefer salt and pepper. or some prefer a little more spice. I typically always add in some sort of meat tenderizer, because it does help when cooking.*

Deep fry lumpia until they turn golden in color and float in the pan. If you are using the precooked chicken, you only need to cook for a short time.

Big THANK YOU to Jenn, Rosemary and KeKe for your lumpia rolling slave labor assistance! And a big THANK YOU to Martha and Mary... for everything else :)

As you can see, the party was a success, the birthday princess made out like a bandit, and we are once more reminded how quickly time flies, how much our family is blessed and how grateful we are to have the friends that we have! Thank you to everyone who came out, who sent well wishes, who helped us through this year... just... THANK YOU. Know that while our time is hectic and limited these days, our appreciation for our steadfast friends is strong and never wavers. Thank your blessings, appreciate the silver linings, and share in the happiness when you have it. Oh, and share the cupcakes too!

Also, a big humongous, long drive thank you to Jane & her daughter, and Ate Gina & Uncle Jimmy and family and honorary Aunt Mary - for making that drive out to come party with us!

Why I let a stranger yell at my child...

First off... let me start by saying that my husband Kevin and my best friend Martha are my everyday heroes. Regardless of whether what they did was their "natural instinct" to try to help or not. They did. So the prelude to this story is this:

Saturday afternoon, we went to our local Education in the Park festivities. Our daughter, Laurel, is in a school production and she was with her theatre troupe performing a few songs from their play that will be showing in May. It was blistering, sweltering hot that day, and sitting under the shaded canopy didn't make it any cooler in my opinion. Their performance was the last set on that stage (thank goodness) and as everyone started filing out and leaving, you find you have the occasional group of 3-4 gabbing parents talking. I was showing off Paisley to one off the parents who'd last seen me when I was pregnant. I wandered over to where Kev was putting Ella in the stroller and Martha was talking to the kids and almost as a unit, we looked over at an elderly gentleman, who, minutes before had been standing, but was now hunched over. Without a word of communication, aside from, "Is he okay?" - both Kevin and Martha jumped to their feet and rushed over to this man.

We didn't know him, and obviously, several other people didn't either...as they scurried to the winds as quick as can be. There's no blame there. I guess for some that instinct to help just isn't ingrained in you. I'm grateful to be surrounded by people where the opposite is the standard though. I'm still holding Paisley on my hip, the girls have taken the man's granddaughter (or great?) to the Crayola tent a few tents over, to color, and I'm moving chairs to clear the area and getting water. Another lady calls for a medic. It's all a matter of minutes lapsing, and a blur of separate entities doing what they know how to do as best as they can.

And then I look over to the stroller and I notice something that stands out with appalling clarity. It's empty. Where has Ella gone? I scream out Laurel's name, and I guess by the tone of my voice, it signifies to Kev that I'm upset, but I wave him off, because... he's busy helping to save this man's life. But my heart is racing as I flag down an event worker and inform both her and Laurel and Emily all at the same time that my little girl is missing. I'm bumbling through an explanation of what she's wearing... blue jean shorts with green threads. I don't know what the green threads have to do with it, but I repeated it several times over. I did the frantic rushed gaze through the crowd, running from bounce house to bounce house. Stopping at the sno-cone tent to see if she managed to sneak a 2nd cone in, despite me saying no. The lady on the golf cart drives up to me a few minutes later, empty seat beside her, asking me something. But all I saw was the empty seat and so I didn't hear what she was saying. Finally she says, "Ma'am, is that your little girl?!" and I look, but no... I told her she was THREE, that is obviously like a 1 or MAYBE 2 year old. ... and then the adult moves out of the way and I see a man holding her hand helping her to find me. I come running up, and he says, "Are you her Mommy?" and before I can answer, he says to Ella, "Is this your Mommy?" and she says yes, and hugs my leg. And he pries her from my leg, and proceeds to yell and lecture her. And I let him.

That's right. I let this stranger yell at my child. Because EVERY THING HE SAID WAS TRUE. It was everything I was going to say. And it probably meant more coming from him.

He told her how dangerous it was and to NEVER run away from Mommy. And to NEVER slip out of your stroller (mind you she unbuckled herself not an hour later and tried to slip out...) and he went on and on, and she cried and then my 3 year old said, "I understand" and he stood up and hugged me. I didn't catch his name. In a lineup, I'd never be able to pick him out. But I'll be forever grateful. I vaguely recall him mumbling that he has a little girl too and he could only imagine my fear.

There's no real moral to this. I let a stranger yell at my child because it was important that someone impart how scary this could have really been. My husband and my best friend helped save that man's life. Not through any procedure, but because they cared and showed compassion and jumped in to help. He may have had a heat stroke, or a heart attack, who knows, we let the professionals take over when they got there. Our day had a happy ending, but it could have ended so much differently. I hope you understand.

A bicyc... erm, stroller built for TWO!

We have been running back and forth trying to find a stroller/pram that will work for both Ella and Paisley now that Paisley will be coming home soon. Who knew what an adventure that would be?! After visiting several different retailers, we had decided to go the route of a tandem stroller - mainly because I have difficulty pushing a single stroller through a doorway... so the thought of trying to maneuver one twice the width was a bit daunting to me. Let me first start off by stating that we borrowed a friends stroller and ultimately decided that it wasn't going to work. That's what brought us to the Contours Options Elite Tandem Stroller. We bought this at BuyBuyBaby, and I very rarely endorse any particular store... HOWEVER - we received the BEST customer service. The most knowledgeable floor associates and helpful management team I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Just wish they were closer to where we lived. In any event, the bottom line is that we LOVE our Options Elite. 

As seen in the picture below, we love the versatility of the carriage with the seats! With Paisley being so tiny, having come home from the hospital at just under 5lbs., we had to get a certain car seat. Unfortunately, it was not compatible with many other travel systems. We loved that the Options Elite came with a universal adapter bar (be sure to check that your model car seat works, as not every seat will work). As she transitioned into the regular seat, she was able to sit upright and look around. We like to face Ella and Paisley to one another, as they like to giggle and stuff. But there are also occasions when we just like to flip them around as well. One of the major selling points for me was the side zipper in the underneath storage. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get something out from under the stroller and having to fight because the seat is there. The Options Elite has a zipper on both sides. That's right, BOTH SIDES. I loved it!

   

I honestly only had 2 complaints. 1 - it's a bit bulky/heavy for my liking. Mind you, this is a double stroller. I have to remind myself of this. And while yes, the aluminum frame is more lightweight than others... I had a bit of difficulty picking it up to put in the truck. 2 - accessories are not included. And by accessories, I mean the drink tray particularly. I've never seen a stroller that didn't come standard with the tray... so it was a bit of a surprise to learn that those were additional. We did get them, mind you. Along with the rain covers, the parent console (a neoprene like zippered bag with areas for your phone and a bottle) and the shopping bag attachment if you happen to be out and about with only 1 child. 

After the purchases though, I'm a happy camper. The 4 wheels handle most terrains easily, and you can easily push the stroller with one hand, although 2 hands on anything I'm steering makes me feel more comfortable! The Options Elite comes in several different canopy color options, but I fell in love with the Laguna Blue with the chevron pattern on the inside. They are easy to clean and there is a zippered mesh section that you can unzip to allow more airflow in the buggy. Highly recommended!