A Lesson in Listening...

Let me first start this post with a HAHAHA at my resolve to blog daily. Considering it's been over a year since my last blog post, I think it's safe to assume I'm a blog-fail. Now that that's out of the way, I wanted to address something I've seen happening SO MUCH in recent days. Also, I don't normally swear in my posts, but I did a few times here. Apologies in advance, let's just call it 'fitting for the theme' this time.

We lost. We're lost. We lost our way. We're stumbling in the dark.

However you want to put it.

I'm not just talking about the election, although, I gotta tell you - I can't wait until we're all complaining about something else. But what I really want to address is how we have strayed off the path of being human. Our lack of empathy and compassion for one another has flown the coop. That's okay, if you've always been an asshole (pardon my French) but I have watched [seemingly] nice, articulate people turn into vapid, uncaring, my-shit-doesn't-stink, out and out jerks. I'm talking to you, yes, YOU. If the shoe fits, of course. If I said something and it struck a nerve, take a sec and do a little self observation. If it didn't bother you personally, but you have seen the same prevailing attitude, I'm glad to call you friend. 

The other day I had a horrible experience. HORRIBLE. At least it was to me. And then I had someone basically tell me I was overreacting to a situation I should be grateful for. So here's what happened: I walked into the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) following dad's lung operation. As I walked down the halls, the cacophony of beeps and monitors going got louder and louder. There was no escaping it. I apparently stopped, froze and began crying. JUST LIKE BEFORE when the lady in the electric cart at Publix backed up and the beeping started, a week after Paisley had come home. They had to call Kevin, because I couldn't drive. So back to the SICU, I sat down in the chair and tried my hardest to do those breathing exercises they taught me, like I was meditating. And the next thing I knew, the nurses were asking if I was okay and waking me up. I don't know if I was so exhausted that I relaxed myself into sleep, or if I passed out. No joke.

Later in conversation, we were talking about how we call it PTSD of the NICU. This someone else felt it was overreaction, because... get this, our baby is healthy now and home and not dead and therefore we had no right to feel traumatized from our stints in the NICU. We should've got over it and moved on. I won't defend our feelings, but I will say, don't think for a second that we don't appreciate what we have or how blessed we are. But we went through the toughest times any family should go through... not once, but THREE times. We witnessed, with heartbreaking sadness, a family play with their daughter's toes one day, and walk out with NOTHING the next. Torn between joy that we were not in their situation, devastation for their loss, and guilt for being grateful. We drove on less than 2 hours of sleep back and forth for nearly a year if you add up each child's time in the NICU. We woke with that terrified feeling that having left the hospital for any length of time was a sign that we didn't love our child enough to stand bedside for 24 hours. PTSD is not reserved simply for members of the military, or survivors of a shooting. It's any time of stressful trauma that is inflicted on someone. And for anyone to diminish someone else's pain as if it were insignificant because they are alive to talk about it today... you sir, are ASS!

I'm so exhausted from hearing people with total intolerance to those around them. I don't expect the average stranger to care about my life. But people who are 'close' or friends or even family, if you've found your compassion meter is empty, please get it refilled... or go stare in the mirror and tear yourself down. People struggle with so much these days. Parents struggle to raise their children amidst chaos and criticism every day. Yet not one of those critics are volunteering to do it for them or even offer a hand. We turn a blind eye to those in need, cast aspersions at the clothes someone is wearing or what they look like. And yet, so many are 'too busy' to volunteer, or give back. We have a society filled with people who have hidden illnesses and then SUDDENLY we are doctors and assessors... and yes, judges. I say this all, and you may think, wow talk about the kettle. I know I am not blameless. But I'd like to think we are constantly, myself included, maybe myself ESPECIALLY...trying to be better.

Better people. Better friends. Better spouses. Better daughters. Better mothers. 

So this beautiful Sunday morning, I sit on the couch, with laundry on one side & papers to sign for school on the other. One leg up, because I broke my toe (AGAIN) and watching Sherlock together. And we are taking turns telling each other what we like about the other person. I'm filling up my compassion meter, and adding a tankful of patience while I listen to what is important. Reminding myself that having empathy for one situation does not equate to antipathy for another. Reminding myself that we are human and fallible. Reminding myself that a little compassion goes a long way.

What would you do with #MoreMinutes - treasure the time you have and make the most of life!

This beautiful lady is my mother - I cherish the friendship we have and the bond that is evident for my own daughters to witness and hopefully want for themselves as they mature. 

Today, as she does every 1.5 years or so, she donated just over 13" of her hair to Wigs for Kids - I love her heart and that she always gives back to so many. While at Great Clips she saw a sign that asked what she would do with #moreminutes - without batting an eye or pausing to think about it, she said she'd spend more time with her granddaughters which is hard for her to do with a full time job and somewhat limited mobility. 

I would wish for her to have some more minutes just to go do something fun with the girls. It always seems like the only time she can spend with them is when we're running errands or going to appointments. She's been a rock for me during the trials of having had 3 preemie babies in the NICU and I honestly don't even want to try and imagine what my life would be like when we run out of those minutes. Don't take time for granted. That's my PSA for today!

Life goes by in the BLINK of an eye!

Truer words have never been spoken! I'm not sure when it happened, or how even... it seems like we were on the countdown until Paisley could come home from the hospital. Then just days until Linda (MIL) came in from England, then the holidays, then the pre-op for each surgery... and we were saying.. oh, that's next week. And oh, that's in 2 weeks... and then suddenly - it's AUGUST! 

The preparations for a celebration of a life hard fought and won were looming in the back of my mind. I mean, how do you not go overboard? But how do you reign yourself in from being psycho-crazy-decorating-madness-mama? Thankfully, with the help of a realistic, yet supportive hubby - and some really great friends!

I wanted to show you some of the prep that went into this occasion, and then of course, some pics of the party and some pics of the birthday girl!

Making BUNTING. My friend KeKe and I decided we were going to hand paint ... that's right, HAND PAINT bunting for the party. I went a little nuts and said something like, "Hey let's make this look like a used car-lot!" And the next thing you know, I'm painting a scene from Super Mario Bros on a triangular piece of canvas at 2am. *shakes head* At one point in time, we roped the guys into painting with us, but our OCD nature took over and they were quickly fired.

Rolling LUMPIA. *This part of the post is directed at Katie, since I'm SO NEGLECTFUL and constantly forget to email her my recipe*

Recipe (this makes approximately 100 rolls):
Lumpia Wrappers (aka Spring Roll Wrappers)
1- head of cabbage
2c- carrots
1c- snap/snow peas or green beans
2.5 lbs.- boneless, skinless chicken breast cooked or ground beef uncooked

- Use a food processor, it's so much easier! Food process everything until it is minced. Mix with 2 egg yolks (separate the whites for later). Add seasoning. *As with all my recipes for lumpia, pancit, etc... if you don't eat a particular thing, don't add it. Ex: you don't eat cabbage, you can sub bean sprouts. Or sub ground pork for ground beef. Season with seasonings you prefer. Some people prefer salt and pepper. or some prefer a little more spice. I typically always add in some sort of meat tenderizer, because it does help when cooking.*

Deep fry lumpia until they turn golden in color and float in the pan. If you are using the precooked chicken, you only need to cook for a short time.

Big THANK YOU to Jenn, Rosemary and KeKe for your lumpia rolling slave labor assistance! And a big THANK YOU to Martha and Mary... for everything else :)

As you can see, the party was a success, the birthday princess made out like a bandit, and we are once more reminded how quickly time flies, how much our family is blessed and how grateful we are to have the friends that we have! Thank you to everyone who came out, who sent well wishes, who helped us through this year... just... THANK YOU. Know that while our time is hectic and limited these days, our appreciation for our steadfast friends is strong and never wavers. Thank your blessings, appreciate the silver linings, and share in the happiness when you have it. Oh, and share the cupcakes too!

Also, a big humongous, long drive thank you to Jane & her daughter, and Ate Gina & Uncle Jimmy and family and honorary Aunt Mary - for making that drive out to come party with us!

Why We Walk

Many of you know about our commitment to the March of Dimes, and that we walk and fundraise every year for the March for Babies. Sure, we've had preemies. Sure, we think it's a great organization. And yes, we truly do believe that the March of Dimes is dedicated to healthy pregnancies & babies! But for us, and most family teams that participate, it is so much more and there is normally a defining moment for Why We Walk.

At the March for Babies 2014, I was pregnant with Paisley then (upper left)

Lined up for the March (upper right) With our company team, Family Health Care (bottom)

When I spoke at a kickoff campaign last year for the first time, telling our story, I brought myself to tears. Not that I was that eloquent. pfft. No, I started crying because the memory I shared was SO VIVID, even 2 years later, with a happy, healthy baby...correction, toddler! sitting there wreaking havoc in the room. I am glad for the opportunity for donors and fundraisers alike to get the chance to see firsthand a family that has been neck-deep in the NICU, with firsthand experience to what kinds of education and support the March of Dimes provided. But more importantly, I wanted to share what was the driving force and motivation behind our commitment. I wanted them to know .... and so, with just under 2 weeks before we walk again, I want you to know as well, exactly Why We Walk.

...it does not get any easier - no matter how many times you've done it before...

It was discharge day for me, March 4th, 2011. I'd had an emergency C-section, and had been deemed fit to go home. I was ready to a certain extent. Certainly sore, who isn't? But mentally... I had no idea. They discharged me, and Kevin helped me down the stairs to Ella's room. By then she had been moved to Pod 8, and we had the routine of checking in, scrubbing, dropping off breastmilk - down to a science. I went in and I held her hand through the incubator window. We stayed for several hours, until shift change, and then reluctantly made our way down to the car. We were going home, without our baby. But I was determined to be a grown-up about this. I knew she was in the best of care, that her doctors and nurses were highly competent medical professionals. In fact, I knew she was receiving better care than I could possibly give at that moment. But we were leaving our baby. That's what it boiled down to in my head. I remember getting in the car, Kevin making sure everything was packed up tightly, even coming over to check that I was seatbelted properly. And then we started the drive home. We made it about 4 minutes. Right after you get on I-4 off Kaley, about 20 feet further... before he pulled over to the shoulder. And he reached over the console, held my hand and we sat there in silence, crying. My silent tears eventually turned into sobs, because in my head, all I could hear was this voice saying, "THIS IS NOT RIGHT! This is NOT the way it should be! No parents should ever have to leave their babies!" and I think I was hoping my crying would drown out that voice. That is Why We Walk.

Fast forward 2 years later... the same scenario is playing in my head. I was discharged just 2 days after Paisley was born. I pep-talked myself into handling this better. "We've been through this before" - "Same old song and dance" - "She's in the BEST CARE POSSIBLE" - "You can handle this!" - "You have 2 babies at home that need you" and again "We've been through this before"  But no matter the litany of go-getter-you-can-do-it phrases I told myself... it didn't make it any easier. I didn't even make it out of the driveway in front of the hospital before I gave in to the tears. This time, Kevin just pulled into the parking garage and we sat there together, holding hands until he got out of the car and came and just held me. Some things make a marriage fall apart and some make them stronger. I like to think we've been through the sickness and worse part of our vows in the first few years of our marriage, so we should have smoother sailing for the rest. But that moment there, was this glaring truth that it does not get any easier - no matter how many times you've done it before. And we've been down this route 3 times too many. That is Why We Walk.

We hope that one day, enough research, education and treatments will have accumulated to the point where no parents will ever experience the devastating loss of a child be it a miscarriage or stillbirth (the statistics for how common pregnancy loss occurs is staggering!). We hope that one day NICU nurseries will not be filled to capacity. But for us, the Adkins Family aka Team Adkins Asylum, we hope that when your little bundle of joy is brought into this world... that you get to experience the JOY of bringing her home, surrounded by family and love and never the loss, devastation, and even guilt... of driving away that first time. That is Why We Walk.

How can you help? Donate, Walk/Join/Create a Team, Start a fundraiser!

A bicyc... erm, stroller built for TWO!

We have been running back and forth trying to find a stroller/pram that will work for both Ella and Paisley now that Paisley will be coming home soon. Who knew what an adventure that would be?! After visiting several different retailers, we had decided to go the route of a tandem stroller - mainly because I have difficulty pushing a single stroller through a doorway... so the thought of trying to maneuver one twice the width was a bit daunting to me. Let me first start off by stating that we borrowed a friends stroller and ultimately decided that it wasn't going to work. That's what brought us to the Contours Options Elite Tandem Stroller. We bought this at BuyBuyBaby, and I very rarely endorse any particular store... HOWEVER - we received the BEST customer service. The most knowledgeable floor associates and helpful management team I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Just wish they were closer to where we lived. In any event, the bottom line is that we LOVE our Options Elite. 

As seen in the picture below, we love the versatility of the carriage with the seats! With Paisley being so tiny, having come home from the hospital at just under 5lbs., we had to get a certain car seat. Unfortunately, it was not compatible with many other travel systems. We loved that the Options Elite came with a universal adapter bar (be sure to check that your model car seat works, as not every seat will work). As she transitioned into the regular seat, she was able to sit upright and look around. We like to face Ella and Paisley to one another, as they like to giggle and stuff. But there are also occasions when we just like to flip them around as well. One of the major selling points for me was the side zipper in the underneath storage. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get something out from under the stroller and having to fight because the seat is there. The Options Elite has a zipper on both sides. That's right, BOTH SIDES. I loved it!

   

I honestly only had 2 complaints. 1 - it's a bit bulky/heavy for my liking. Mind you, this is a double stroller. I have to remind myself of this. And while yes, the aluminum frame is more lightweight than others... I had a bit of difficulty picking it up to put in the truck. 2 - accessories are not included. And by accessories, I mean the drink tray particularly. I've never seen a stroller that didn't come standard with the tray... so it was a bit of a surprise to learn that those were additional. We did get them, mind you. Along with the rain covers, the parent console (a neoprene like zippered bag with areas for your phone and a bottle) and the shopping bag attachment if you happen to be out and about with only 1 child. 

After the purchases though, I'm a happy camper. The 4 wheels handle most terrains easily, and you can easily push the stroller with one hand, although 2 hands on anything I'm steering makes me feel more comfortable! The Options Elite comes in several different canopy color options, but I fell in love with the Laguna Blue with the chevron pattern on the inside. They are easy to clean and there is a zippered mesh section that you can unzip to allow more airflow in the buggy. Highly recommended!